Oh, Go Dig Up Some Dirt

I was looking in Google at all the talking to the dead searches. My website of Talking to Spirit was right up there on top, by the way. But, as I looked down the list and read the snippets of what people were saying, if you discounted what the skeptics were talking about, much of it wasn’t all that much different from what I have to say.

I wondered then if I’d ever have anything new to say about the dead. That’s when Seth said, “Not unless we dig somebody up.”

Have you ever heard a ladylike snort? Right. Me either.

The Stand - What I'm Reading

So, I’ve been sick with the flu for the last week and a half. I took 3 days off from work last week, was sick all weekend and tried to go to work this week. Monday I made it. Tuesday I was sick again. Wednesday I made it. Thursday I’m home sick again. I think tomorrow will be okay to be at work. If I have a coughing fit (which is what plagues me most these days) I can just go into the conference room and cough my brains out for awhile until it is over. Hopefully, by tomorrow I won’t be having them anymore.

Anyway, I’m on the mend. It’s been a tough flu. My temp got up to 103.8 when I visited the doctor last week. Not swine flu, but enough of a flu to lay me low. My diabetes numbers have all been real high. On a brighter note, I lost 6 pounds which hasn’t come back on yet, so maybe will stay off. Haven’t been this low since I quit smoking more than 8 years ago.

Anyway, early on in the course of this sickness with all the H1N1 news going on in the world I decided it would be appropriate to re-read, “The Stand” by Stephen King. This was the first King book I ever read and the one that got me hooked on him as a writer. I’ve read it at least 3 times. This version is paperback and was updated somewhat. Also, there are parts that were cut, but I’m still enjoying it.

So, I’m about half way through. Frannie has a bunch of excerpts from the diary she is keeping as she, Harold, Stu and Glen Bateman make their way first to Vermont and now on to Nebraska. They’d met up with 2 people, both dead now, so their group swelled briefly is now back to their smaller size of 4. To bring you up to speed, Glen is a sociologist who absolutely cannot help himself but to ponder the existence of mankind after the Superflu (Captain Trips) hit. The Army had developed this horrible flu. There was an accident and it got loose and in the space of a month’s time it killed most everybody in the world.

Harold is younger than Frannie and they knew each other before. Frannie is pregnant, though nobody knows about it and Harold pretends that he is in love with her, that he is the smartest in the group, that he should be leader and he is an absolute butt. Frannie feels obligated to take care of Harold because he is the younger brother of her now deceased best friend. Stu was almost at ground zero when he and his town were exposed to the people who had escaped the accidental release of the flu. The army moved in to quarantine everybody and became extremely interested in Stu Redmond when he did not develop the flu. He escaped their clutches. These are the survivors.

Anyway, I want to wrap this up and get to the point of what I wanted to say. Had to take 20 minutes out for a horrible coughing fit and I don’t think it’s quite done yet.

In Frannie’s diary she’d been recounting a discussion they’d been having about the dreams they all seemed to be sharing, especially of the guy they’d started to refer to as, “The Dark Man”. Purely evil and out to stalk all of them. On the other hand was Mother Abigail who is 108 years old living in Nebraska who represented what was good in the world. Some were being drawn to The Walking Dude and others drawn to Mother Abigail. But, the discussion they were having was how odd it was that they were all having the same sort of dreams. Glen, the sociologist said, “Whenever something overtly paranormal occurs the only explanation that really fits well and holds its interior logic is the theological one. That’s why psychics and religion have always gone hand in hand, right up to your modern-day faith-healers.”

Now, remember, I’m a psychic channel. That’s key to what’s really funny here. Because just as I read that part one of the guides said to me, “Well, who are you going to talk to in the dead of night?” Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was funny.

Entrecard

So, I was farting around at Blog Explosion this morning before work and happened upon a blog that had a neato sort of widget in the sidebar. It had an E on it and when I clicked on it said something about Entrecard. So, this evening when I got home from work I signed up.

Now, here's the funny part. There's a section of the signup where you write a description of your site. I've had the same description for some time and wanted to get a new one.

Here's the one that's been in place forever: The Spirit Moved Me and Look What Happened – the blog. A behind the scenes look at what it’s like to be a psychic. Recipes, channeling by the Guides and Folk in Spirit I talk to. Lots of fun.

So, I start writing. And nothing happens. I mean, I'm tired. I've had a really frustrating week. I'd rather throw rocks than write, but I want to get signed up and you'd think something as simple as a weeny little description wouldn't stump me. I was stumped.

So, I asked for help. And, we all know who I asked help from. I asked for a bit of an assist from Spirit. Hey, I do it all the time. And, generally, if I close my eyes, take a deeper than usual breath everything turns out well and I get the boost I need to move forward under my own steam.

So, here's what resulted. I think this is a lead in to the weekend. It sure made me laugh.

#1: The Spirit Moved Me and Look What Happened. The result of a life lived much like anybody else and what it’s now like to have a daily conversation with God who does not forget.

#2: The Spirit Moved Me and Look What Happened. She’s psychic but you wouldn’t know it. Not by the way she drives in any case. Take a look at what this middle aged psychic has to offer to everybody for free, free, free.

After I finished laughing I was out of my rut and came up with this version on my own: The Spirit Moved Me and Look What Happened. See what it’s like to be psychic. Delve into the mysterious arts and thumb your nose at fate with me. A common sense look at uncommon happenings.

Write A Book

Here’s what I do. I determine that I’m going to tackle a big project. I mean this one is simply huge for me. It’s something that’s been in the works, I think, for a long time, just sort of percolating away, but the idea of doing this is daunting.

Write another book.

This one will be on how to channel. It’s obviously for a very small audience, but I think it has a place in the arena of books out there already. Plus, I’m funny. Well, sort of. One of the guides just said, “Huh?”

Oh, I have to tell you at the grocery store this evening the line was just inching along and I had time to look at the magazines on display. I zeroed in on this one with lots of stuff to look at. I can’t tell you the name of it; it was just there and caught my eye. So, I took it off the rack and flipped it open and happened upon an article of how to look pretty. I spent about a nano second on this article. My first impression was that these were all very young ladies and all of them were already very pretty. My next impression was of one of the tips that had to do with applying makeup. I don’t wear it. Anyway, with a sigh I knew that particular article was certainly not for me. No hope here. Old, fat, ugly and do not wear makeup. No hope. Not that it bums me out or anything. It used to when I was younger, (and a site prettier than now), but I’m pretty much okay with being ugly. Anyway, as I reached to return the magazine to the rack one of the guides said, “The quickest way to be pretty is with a smile.”

Sometimes my heart stops with the stuff they say.

Anyway, back to writing the book. What I tend to do with the larger projects is to whittle away at them from afar. Like I'm doing everything but work on the book right now. I've farted around on the Internet for awhile. I did spend my lunch time yesterday writing some notes out about it. I know there's already a lot of material on the subject at several of my sites, but I want to pull it all together and I want to start fresh with the writing.

I guess I could think about it here for a few minutes. Sort of muttering aloud on the blog.

Okay....so, I suppose I should think about size of book. I'd like to be able to hold it in one hand. I'd also like there to be enough room for somebody to write comments in the margins. I guess a 6 x 9 inch or so book would be okay. That's not too big. Not too small either.

Okay, so how thick? Okay...forget that. I just turned around and looked for a book the size I can envision for what I want to do. I hauled, "A Traveller's History of Scotland" off of the bookshelf behind me. It's 5 inches wide, 7 and 3/4 inch high and a little more than half an inch thick. The print in it is too small though. Okay, on average about 12 words to the line. I remember that number from another time I was figuring how long to make a book. And, 36 lines to the page for an average of 432 words per page. For rough count lets call it 425 words a page. Okay, so there are 239 pages in this particular book. Just because I feel like it I'm going to move with 222 pages because that's my special number. Okay...that is 94,350 words. My first novel was 75,000 words and that took me 3 years to write. But, I can't really base any of this on the labor involved with that because it was the first time I'd ever done anything like this and I also didn't know what I was doing. Not that I know now, but I know a little bit more. Also, this isn't a work of fiction but will be a how to book. That should be easier. Especially since I already know how to do it.

Okay, so a book of 94,000 words. Figure I write 1,000 words a day and it will take me 94 days or 3 months to complete. Right. Like I'm going to write 1,000 words every day. I could try though. I could try.

The guides were the ones who suggested I do it. They said I could aim for my birthday to have it done. That's September 1st. That's 4 months from now. I suppose I could do it.

Okay, so 94,000 words. How to break it up?

If I had 15 chapters about how many words per chapter...about 6,200. I'm talking rough here. Don't have to count words...count pages. Okay, so I know when I'm writing in Word I get about 600 words to the page that would be 10 pages per chapter. I'd have to do a few to see if it works.

I suppose I ought to be thinking about content about now. I'm really not sure that I can talk enough to fill this book up.

For this I need my special crayons. New ones. Fresh out of the box and a big old piece of paper. I'll take a picture of it when I'm done.

What I do is draw a big circle. In the middle of the circle I put the main thrust of the book. Then, the ideas begin to radiate out from the center. I'll do it tomorrow and post it to the blog.

And, I will sweep my desk off so I can be really clear about this. I think this might be fun. God knows I need some fun right now.

Mountain View Cemetery

My husband recently wrote another book. This one is about Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland, California. He's been a docent there for years and is passionate about this cemetery and about all things historical. A friend, Annalee Allen, has written a glowing article in this morning's Sunday paper. Years ago the guides said to me, "Your situation is unique. Your husband talks about dead people and you talk to them." I always thought that was funny. You can get more information about this book and the other 3 he's written at his website www.evanosky.info

As an aside, this is my 555th blog entry into The Spirit Moved Me.

Well, I Wasn't Going to Post This....But...

Okay, this is weird. I never spell weird right. which is right? who knows? who cares? what is the point of this? Well, for some reason when I view blog from the blogger dashboard it wants to go to my old spot of thespiritmovedme.blogspot.com which no longer exists...so, I'm posting this just to see where it's going to end up.

Fancy a bit of lighthearted repartee from someone in spirit?

Okay....just don't use any fancy words I can't spell please. It's embarrassing not to be able to spell.

I would say you should utilize your spell checking tools before you post anything because I have news for you: You can't spell worth a shit anyway.

Oh, what kind of way is that for somebody in spirit to talk?

You talk that way all the time.

Not in this blog. I do in the other one, but not in this one.

Liar.

Right. Caught. See, you can't get away with anything.

Not you, anyway.

Hey, I'm really relieved it is Friday.

I saw how tense you were when you dropped the coffee cup and decided to use it anyway. Do you realize that the cup is not broken?

I think it is. It has to be. Otherwise why would all that coffee be dribbling out of it?

You could have developed the shakes. You had not had your meal time medication.

Yeah, but I would have noticed.

You had heart palpitations today.

Want to talk about my diarrhea too?

Like they told you some time ago. They've got a hot spot reserved just for you.

A Few Moments Talking to Somebody in Spirit

The weekend is moving in and I begin to feel the creative juices start to bubble. Well, let’s just say I’m in a better mood than I was on Monday. When I was a kid one of the highlights of the week was getting to stay up late. This pleasure has not changed and on Friday evening I think to myself that if I were to stay up until 11 pm it would not matter too much since I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to work the next day.

Okay, so let me move with this thread of pleasure.

Why is it so cool to stay up late? Well, as an adult I can sit here at the computer and surf blogs at Blog Explosion earning lots of credits. I can look at my e-mail, which hasn’t been all that interesting of late, but I look at it anyway. Or, I could settle the wide butt down and do some serious writing.

Okay, since I’m writing now does this constitute serious writing? I don’t think so. This is one step up from writing a grocery list.

Why?

Because it’s not all that interesting. Are we having a conversation?

Yes.

Good Morning.

Good Morning to you too, Dear. Now people will start to be confused.

Yeah, I guess. I think I’d better go get dressed.

Why? It’s only 5:30. You’ve actually got another half an hour before you need to be in the shower.

Well, yes, you do have a point.

I thought the idea of the weekend approaching was an excess of creative energy. Or all you all talk and no do?

No do?

No do.

I guess I’m all talk.

Don’t be snippy, Dear.

Is this Mom?

No.

Seth?

No.

Should I keep guessing?

No. You’d never guess in a million years anyway.

Okay. Well, what would you like to talk about?

Are you ready?

Well, probably not, but I do type pretty fast occasionally, so maybe I could keep up with you.

Dear, if you haven’t learned anything you know we keep pace with you.

Well, there is that. You know I could raise that point in the channeling blog. I haven’t written anything there in awhile.

True. Perhaps it is time to have a better idea where you would like all your creative energies to be directed?

Okay…yesterday I got all my jewelry making stuff out to show Phil. I said to Dennis that maybe I’d work on that this weekend. Only there’s so much of it and it’s spread all over the place and once I’ve got it all out to look at I get antsy because now the place looks like a tornado hit. So, I need to get organized with it. I need a place where everything is pretty much together and all I have to do is to open a drawer to have access to the neat stuff I want to use.

What else?

I think that’s enough for the weekend.

I think not.

Okay, the website. I’ve gotten a few emails for suggestions on links. The only problem is none of them are offering a return link.

So, ignore them. What else?

I want to decide where to go with my blogs. I’d like to have one blog at Talking to Spirit. There’s so much energy that goes into the blogs, but the readership at them is nothing like what happens at Talking to Spirit. If there were a way to get the readers at Talking to Spirit into a blog I think they’d be happier.

Perhaps you could offer to attend chat.

Oh.

Yes, Oh.

A Favorite Quote

“If you have to eat a frog, do it quickly.” Actually, I’m having a terrible time actually finding this quote. Mark Twain was supposed to have said it. What I did find was a variation of it which goes, “"If you have to eat a frog, don't spend a lot of time looking at it.”

This is actually one of my favorite sayings and to have it said by Mark Twain who is a writer I admire is doubly satisfying. But, for both of these quotes I cannot find direct evidence that Mark Twain actually said it.

I farted around for over half an hour looking on the internet and I was beginning to feel disappointed. This was what I was all set to write about and I wasn’t going to be able to do it if I wasn’t 100% certain that Mark Twain actually said it.

That’s when somebody whispered in my ear, “I’ll say it to you now if it makes you feel any better.” You just have to love Folk in Spirit.

A Nice Day Off

I'm flailing around this morning trying to come up with 3 articles for next month's newsletter at Talking to Spirit. And, I'm not getting very far, so I figured I'd pop in here for a couple of minutes to yak.

I've got the day off. Heaven. Don't really have any super-duper plans of things to do, though we might visit the Oakland Museum. I've never been there, DeeDude is a member and has 3 guest passes, so that might be interesting. Or, it occurred to me that maybe I could talk him into going to San Jose to the Winchester Mystery House. All the years we've been here I haven't been there either. Or, we'd sort of made tentative plans to visit a new Indian restaurant near where I work and at the same time visiting the new Trader Joes that's just opened up. So, it's all up in the air....in the meantime I'm diving back into the article writing with the hopes that I can come up with something a little interesting.

Oh sit and shit. What? Sit and shit. As opposed to standing on the toilet seat? Am I channeling? I don't know are you? Okay, what's wrong? Why does anything have to be wrong? When I start saying things like that I know something is wrong. Things like what? You know: sit and shit. Nobody ever says anything like that. Well, somebody did and that somebody is you. What am I talking to myself now? You were in the article you were writing. Oh, right. It wasn't coming off very well. Maybe I should take a break. Maybe you should regroup. How is taking a break any different from regrouping? Taking a break is taking a break. It's doing something else. It's relaxing. It's thinking about something else. Regrouping is thinking about what you want to be doing in a different manner. Oh. Well, that sounds logical.

Personally, I think I need to stand up and stretch. Later.

Where I Channel in French

Here’s a channeling funny that happened the other day. I was considering learning another language. I’ve got a blog going to practice and learn Spanish, but I’m not all that good at it.

I had a yearning to return to French. I had half a year of it in high school, but I don’t remember squat about what I learned. This is from a person who went to 5 different high schools in 4 years. Anyway, I was thinking about how I could satisfy my yearning to learn another language and maybe exercise my brain some.

I was in the car at the time driving home from work and one of the guides said to me: Je t'aime. At least, that’s what I thought it sounded like. Sometimes I'm not sure that I channel things right and I said, “Je m'appelle?” Like, maybe I hadn’t channeled it right and were they really trying to say, “My name is?” That’s about all I remember of my high school French. No, they said, “Je t'aime”. I figured I’d look it up when I had a moment, but forgot all about it until I was talking to a friend this weekend. I told him what the guide had said. He said it means, “I love you”. How sweet is that?

That Looks Like Crap

I really ought to be writing this post in my other blog…the one where I am occasionally crude. But, I want to put an entry into this one, so, folks, if you are in any way offended by things crude, stop reading right now.

That said, I will continue.

I occasionally have problems with my digestion. Actually, it’s most of the time now that I’m moving into those advanced years. What goes in comes out and you can actually identify stuff. Peas? Right. You had tomatoes with that? Right.

You get the idea.

Anyway, the other day I stood there peering into the toilet thinking that I can now identify every single blamed thing that I eat. One of the guides said, “Why don’t you eat things that look like shit?”

Prayer

I get a lot of requests for prayers from people. I don’t know what other people do when they’ve had maybe 200 requests over time, but I just can’t always remember everybody individually so I send out an all encompassing group prayer. I think of people who’ve asked for themselves or for others including animals. I remember those who most recently asked for prayers, but I also count on those from a long time ago who asked me to pray for them too to float to the surface of my awareness. I ask that the prayers I send out also be intended for anybody who needs a prayer from me whether they had specifically asked or even if they haven’t asked. And, I send it out.

It’s not words specifically. It’s not formless either. It’s more like love and energy. It’s sort of like sending healing Reiki rays. Sort of. I know I’m doing something when I get a tingling at the top or side of my head. Right now, just talking about it I’ve got the “tingling” at my left eyebrow.

God forbid it should happen other areas….bwwwaaagghhhh.

Hey, who was that?

Me.

This is serious here. People ask for prayers all the time and I just wanted to talk about it. Then, you come in with talking about something crude.

How do you know it was crude?

Well, I could tell. Vibrating other places.

I should think that many of your viewers are going to think the same thing.

Well, maybe they would, but why now? That’s what I’m wondering about.

Why what?

Why are you talking now when I was having a perfectly nice blog about prayer.

Sometimes, Dear, you get too serious.

Oh. Like prayer isn’t as important as we think it is?

No, because prayers are heard no matter who says them or how they say them. It’s that people are relying upon you to relay their prayers when they can just as easily pray themselves. Why should you be the one who prays for everybody?

Well, why not? Other people do it.

We merely wanted to point out that prayers are heard no matter who says them. People can pray their own prayers too. Our blessings.

Hey, thanks.

You’re welcome.

Gazing Into My Crystal Ball

So, I’ve left my crystal ball out, front and center, on my desk. I just sat down this morning to check my email and do the usual morning things and I thought, maybe this is a good idea. I’ll just always have it to look into and maybe one of these days something will happen.

So, then I remembered back to the days when I was trying to get my Ouija board to work and nothing happened for so long and how I would drag the planchette around with one hand while I was resting the other hand on it. Just to see what it would feel like if it ever really did start moving around. Sort of pretend. We’re big on that around here for learning things. And, I thought to myself maybe I could sort of dance a picture around behind the ball so I could sort of pretend see what it’s supposed to look like just so’s I’m prepared in case it ever really does do anything.

And, Seth (my guide – invisible voice in my head) says, “It’s more like watching television. You get enough practice doing that.”

I thought it was funny. Good help too. Now, I sort of know what to expect so I won’t miss it if it happens quickly.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Well, that was a long one. It felt like 20 seconds worth of earthquake, though the news reports are saying 10 to 15 seconds. It was 8:40 pm and centered in Lafayette which is about a 30 minute ride from where we live. The cats scattered to the four winds, rushing past us looking terribly worried. The two parakeets in the kitchen set to flapping and squawking. DeeDude and I sat there looking at each other in disbelief that it wasn’t stopping sooner than it did. Big shake…rumble, rumble, rumble with the little shakes and then a big one again. After it was over the first thing I did was go put my robe and shoes on. I turned the furnace off and then, I brushed my teeth. Go figure why. I guess if I have flee madly into the night with all the neighbors I don’t want to offend anyone with bad breath.

On a lighter note, before the earthquake happened we were watching a show called, “Meet the Ancestors” on the historical channel. They had found a number of skeletal remains, three of who appeared to be monks in a cathedral in the UK. They were digging them up. So, a voice in my head says, “If I knew they were going to do that I would have asked them to put me in the pasture.” I thought it was funny.

A Channeling Funny

The other day my neighbor blew through quoting from Leviticus about how you shouldn't put your trust in or listen to mediums. I just don't know what to say when he says stuff like that. Right then a voice in my head said, "You've got nothing to worry about. You're a large."

Resolutions

This month’s recommended activity. Honestly, I’m having trouble with this one. I don’t know why. I’ve returned again and again to this smallest section of my newsletter wondering what little interesting something I could put in for my January edition. I’m stumped.

Once, during the course of the month, as I was almost knocking my head against the edge of the desk one of the guides suggested, “On your knees and pray.” I thought that was actually quite funny. There’s one thing they have is an incredible sense of timing for the one-liners they come up with. But, here I am 2 weeks later and I still haven’t come up with anything.

So, I thought I might approach it in a way that is similar to how I am currently trying to fashion some watchbands to go with the watch faces I bought. Just sit down and do it and see what happens.

I know we’ve done breathing and writing was last month. I’ve recommended CD’s and movies and books. In January some people might be concerned with fresh starts and the resolutions they’d made. And, I know how hard it is to stick to a resolution. I’m all fired up about in the beginning, but as time wears on my enthusiasm wanes and eventually I stop whatever healthy or good activity I’d chosen as my resolution.

Maybe because there was no reward for me to do the behavior. Maybe in creating a resolution you also need to create the reward. I haven’t tried that one yet.

Okay…so, say my resolution is to lose weight. Rewards for me, any day of the week, would include chocolate. So, that would suck. What kind of a reward could I have for losing weight? Movies? Books? Clothes? A day off. Yes, I could ask for a day off from work to do whatever I want. But, the deal would be I’d have to lose 8 pounds first. 10 pounds? No, 8 pounds. More than 5 and less than 10. I can manage 8 pounds.

Okay, so what other rewards would be good? I guess I could come up with a generic list of rewards, but, they really need to be crafted for the individual person. It’s the donkey and the carrot routine.

I’ve never once been able to stick to any of the resolutions I make. But, I’ve also never had a reward for good behavior either. Maybe this year it might work out better.

Channeling Funny

I’m working my way through the Battle of the Blogs at Blog Explosion. I’m getting ready to have a look at the 2nd one in a pitched battle and the title of the blog is Living With Multiple Personalities. One of the guides said, “I think you should vote for them.”

I thought it was funny.

I'm Not Writing

The creative juices sort of dried up today as far as the NaNoWriMo.org program goes. I was however, able to channel a bit off topic and posted it to the Learn to Channel blog and wrote a pissy little piece to post to The Psychic Vents. Then, not to be undone, I figured to be fair I ought to post something here even if it isn’t anything of real importance to anybody in the world. How’s that for blah?

Well, I could let everybody know how the boil on my back is coming along. It is healing, but it sure looks gross. To point out what a very loving and attentive husband DeeDude is he did not even recoil in horror when I’ve asked him every day to tell me how it is doing. If it is appropriate (he uses his judgment because I can’t see the damn thing) he works at squeezing the pus out of it. Now, isn’t that gross? It does hurt like hell. But, I cannot stand the thought of having this thing on my back. It’s like an alien has imbedded itself under my skin (a channeling funny for you, somebody just said, “Watch out.” ….LOL) to grow and be something that swallowed Cincinnati.

I read on the internet today all sorts of cautionary notes about squeezing boils, except, it’s not hard anymore because I have been using hot, moist compresses a lot and I think the antibiotics are working. It eventually melts. I fully expect this sucker to be healed by the end of next week. I hope it doesn’t go any longer than that.

The bummer about this is folks with diabetes are prone to getting boils. My first experience was many years ago maybe a year or so before I was officially diagnosed with diabetes. They kept saying, “Use antibacterial soap, quit wearing tight clothes, use wet, hot compresses.” And, that year I must have had 10 of them. I was so miserable. It was horrid. I stopped calling the doctor about them. They never did give me any antibiotics. I should have been more forceful. Note to anybody with a boil: Do not pick at it unless you plan to totally disregard what wiser heads have to advise about them. A totally mind blowing cautionary note I read this morning about them were about boils on your face. Pick at them and you tempt brain damage. What? What? Okay, it’s on my back. It’s not on my face.

But, I don’t feel very good. And, the momentum to write serious stuff, stuff for my project at NaNoWriMo is just not there. So, I’m blogging instead. At least that’s sort of useful.